i miss her..

but i gotta study for now..

argh

e person i felt the most apologetic to is her..as her bf that time, i thought i was good.. but my temper wasnt good, and resulted in violent actions and shouting at her saying all those senseless things..i guess sometimes the things i do really cost me alot..and it cost me her..but now no matter how much i still think of e past, no matter part of me still wish she was still with me, no matter a part of me still love her, but its kind of hard already..i'm like gonna be out of her life,but i at some point dun wish to cos i still wan to turn back time to be with her..suddenly i thought of all e promises made to her, and i thought i'm like nvr made up to her properly like e dan bing that i said i will figure out hw to do when coming back from taiwan..these little promises and little things in life let me thought how bad i was as a person at that time..but now say all these also useless..i some sort became like her also..dunno wad i wan now too..dunno wad to do with myself..i just wish i can play god and turn back time and erase that day from her mind and my mind too..i'm sorry to you..

now i really need that belly laugh.. =(

i realised i got no guts to like someone anymore..very tired lor..very sianed to see her on the train that day..felt like whole person gonna break down la..my first relationship ended bitterly..but its all e past..if i can move on, i will be happier..

maybe i shldnt do so much for anyone anymore..

fan nao-s

aiya dunno wad i wan also man..sch also not exactly smooth la..just wan a second class honours only but disappointing results so far lor..ever since break up things haven been smooth yet lor..realised my heart turned cold liao..e natural smile wasnt there anymore..although still will laugh all that at some jokes but end of the day u just know i wasnt the same anymore..if i cant smile naturally from e heart means i'm really that down..but i wan to be on the up..i wan to be able to compete with everyone in sch..i know i'm a slow starter, lack of natural talent but i made it up for hardworking but it had not paid off yet..uni pace really too fast and so much happened so far i just couldnt concentrate alot..today bio class i was listening well and understood the whole thing..but towards e end 5 mins my mind was on e past again and i jus din listen to lec again..sianed man..i also wan to move on..but so complicated stuff are now..i dun even know wad i wan liao..just like sch..today just dunno why i am in sch for..why am i in this course..when i could have taken business la..sian man..someone make me smile pls..let me find my natural smile back..