its been so many months since i broke up with her. and other ppl had appeared in my life, but there is no one that seems right or i feel right about. now end up hurting other ppl liao. sian man. my fren asked me if i really loved someone or just want someone. i think i have e answer now. because when really loved someone, this someone will be irreplaceable in the heart. and she was irreplaceable til now. feeling very frustrated now cos i know she's e one for me, but i dunno what or how she will feel again. i hurted her badly the other time, no matter what still will leave a scar. i also want to forget what happened, want to love and protect her again and swear to god this time round i will make it right. but right now really frustrated, cos i dunno how to talk to her. i dunno how not to make her sian dunno how to make her happy. but if i got the chance, i will get my courage to announce to the whole world that i only haf her in mind. and i meant a physical action to be done. but all things gotta wait. time. can only write here to her that i love her. and seriously regretted alot for hurting her and wish to hold her in my arms again.

that day afternoon had a nap cos was tired..had a little dream but was very sweet..i dreamt i was with her again..very sweet but short..but if real life its this way then good..rotted at home again after going out for a few days..kinda sian..results coming..pray hard ba..

am i regretting the decision? i think i might be..

super sick now..sometimes very hot sometimes very cold..make me very hard to fall asleep also again..dunno why sick will think of her more..i dunno how to start a conversation..something i realised..dunno afraid of wad also..haix..i shld just slp alot alot so that i wont think that much.

shld i see doc tmr?

so i've been hiding my feelings all along?

my temper, my stubborness would have stop me from seeing her again. but why did i bother to find her again? i finally realised. thinking that i forgot her, but in fact i nvr. seeing her get hurt, i was already quite sian liao..panicking when i realise i lost her frens number..couldnt get anyone to go check on her immediately..facebook also quite useless..i had to appear by her side to make sure its ok.

meeting her just make me feel like protecting her again..sick of looking from a far to make sure she is ok.i just wan to be with her to protect her.if not for that stupid mistake no one would haf got hurt nth would had happened if i nvr let her go.

i was there because i cared alot for u, no matter what, i just wan u to be happy.maybe without me, u were happy, but i just dun wan see u get hurt. i know what i wan, its u. i just wan to be ard u, just wan to appreciate ur smile again.

but i know maybe it still quite difficult for u now, but i already knew what i wan. but shall not force shall not hope too much. because i'm afraid too sometimes. but then again no matter what i still wan to see u happy. and care for u.

time to build up my karma level.

actually i know what i want for my future.

this current job that i have doesnt go well with my personality, i'm not one who go pestering ard, and i still prefer to teach what i know. so obviously sales is not what's for me in the future. maybe as a lecturer that will be my calling.. and thats provided i further my studies til at least a masters.

i want to start afresh again. although i spend a large part of this one and a half year with someone special,but this someone special had left me.felt moments of having lost everything, so i just want to start afresh,rebuilding all i got..i'm particularly sorry for the scar i gave her..i did loved her alot but i messed up alot too..i know some scar wont heal so easily..just like my hand now,a crack that wont go away.

now, i'm closing the door of this special one, but just that once in awhile there's lingering thoughts. and i cant do anything liao. 23dec maybe i wont be there liao. cos i dunno if that is the right thing to do anymore.

i'm opening a door, but i'm holding the door back because i'm not really sure if thats the right one..but i felt fine and happy. but i guess i still need to wait for the right moment. close to right person, wrong timing..

well suddenly moody again..but thats how life la..always work like a sine curve no matter what.

and the story abt plucking the moon.

i wont pluck earth moon, cos this will cause tide to rise and flood the whole world. i will pluck jupiter moon, i plucked metis. jupiter got 57 moons so jupiter lose 1 he also dunno. this is what happen when u are too clever. u cant be romantic. -_-"

i'm feeling confused liao..am i falling for another person liao..really dunno leh..although quite contented now with things being this way but am i really closing a door and opening up another door?later same thing again how?so confusing..but at least had fun when this person is ard..